Prepared to die

“I detest your views, but am prepared to die for your right to express them” — Voltaire



Recently i have been very interested with violence and malice. Where does it stem from why has there been so much how does this all relate to myself.

I am slowly unraveling our history of hatred which has only but increased my curiosity. Violence is spread across all cultures, religions… well humans across the board are violent. It would seem that we are innately inhumane and we have an ongoing battle to be humane.

My history is weak and finding out that Germany was one of the more liberal countries early 1900 when it came to Jews was astounding. It was hard for Jews to escape anywhere when Nazism started to grow becasue neighboring countries where doing just the same. Stalin was running ramped in Russian, Japanese where having a go at the chines, South Africa the British and Apartheid, which by the way was also anit-semetic.

So my interest is about who was at war where, what people where trying to achieve, finding out about the many many ethic minorities that where unjustly treated and the horrific brutalities is all part of this exploration.

How is it possible to have so many millions and different kinds of people(race class culture) involved in ongoing calculated torture, humiliation and killings. In Stalin prison camps reports of guards making people eat there own faces, Asia the varied torture methods where horrific, the Serbians made Jews ride naked on pigs and shotting one every now on then while having a good laugh. The examples are endless and we dont even know the worst of it.

I want to understand why? Where does it come from? What would i be capable of if i was cultural entrenched in such a system?

It is very easy to look at it in retrospect and be convinced, as i am completely, that you would never partake or turn a blind eye to the atrocities that happen. However it is not unreasonable to say that if the large majority of people where doing it what makes you think you would not be part of the majority? I think it is arrogant to automatically assume that we would not be a part of tht majority. We are today – remember the majority think they are set aside from the norm…

This is a scary thing… what does it mean to me and my experience? What am i capable of? What would i choose? What would i have chosen if i was brought up in a home that was part of a Nazi like system and that everyone that was part of my daily experience shared the same political, spiritual and anti-‘ethnic’ views. Id like to think that i would have chosen as i would choose now! But can i be sure i would have if it permeated nearly everything in my experience is my dilemma.

The other question it brings to mind is what believes are possibly indoctrinated in me now that may be scorned on by future generations? Or even more subtle believes that are not really my own or would be looked at differently if i had the clarity of acting outside of my immediate experience… But not lossing sight of my big questions: What violence, if any, would i take part in or condone if my miliue was totally about that? Would i kill and torture with pride… scary!

Bits and Bobs

“Life is not only for me to live”

Sweetes thing!

“There was something about him, sitting at the table as he waded through the mountains of paperwork demanded by the Byzantine military bureaucracy of Italy, that made her look up at him regularly, as though by conditioned reflex. No doubt his mind was on sorting out the family problems of his soldiers; no doubt he was tactfully suggesting to a bombardiers wife that she go to a clinic for a check-up; no doubt he was signing requisitions forms in quadruplicate; no doubt he was trying to work out why a consignment of antiaircraft shells had mysteriously turned up in Parma, and issue combinations. No doubt; but all the sam, every time she looked up his eyes would flick to hers and she would be caught in his steady and ironic gaze as surely as if he had grasped her by the wrists.

For a few seconds they would look at one another, and she would grow abashed, her cheeks would flush a little, and she would return her attention to her crochet,knowing perhaps she had slighted him by so breaking away, but cognisant also of the brazenness of holding his regard for one moment longer. A few seconds later she would look up furitvaly, and at that exact instance he would return her glance. It was impossible. It was infuriating. It was so embarrassing as to be an humiliation.

“Iv got stop doing this,” she would resolve, and, and convinced that he was deep in his tasks, would look up and get caught again. She tried to control herself rigidly, saying to herself, “I wont look at him for another hald hour.” but all to no avail. She would sneak a glimpse, his eyes would flicker, and there she would be again, imprisoned by an amused smileand a raised eyebrow.

She knew that he was playing a game with her, that she was being teased and taunted so gently that it was impossible to protest or to bring it out into the open in order to make and issue of it. After all she never caught him looking at her, so it was all her fault, obviously. Nonetheless, it was a game of which he had absolute command, and in that sense she was its victim. She decided to change her tactics in this war of eyes. She decided that she would not be the one to break the impasse; she would wait for her spirit to fail, she would wait for her sporot to fail, she would wait until it was he who broke away. she composed herself, summoned up every last spark of resolution, and looked up.

They looked at one another for what seemed like hours and Pelagia wondered absorbedly if it was considered technically legitimate to blink. his face fell out of focus , and she concentrated on the bridge of his nose. It too began to blur, and she switched from back to his eyes. But which eye? It was like the paradox of Buridans ass: an equal choice yields no decision. She concentrated upon his left ey, which seemed to grown into and wavering void, and so she changed to the right eye. Its pupil seemed to transfix her like on owl. How strange, the one eye should be a bottomless chasm and the other a weapon on honed as a lance. She began to feel horrible vertigo.

He did not look away. Just as her giddiness was about to confound her, he started pulling faces, all the while holding her in his gaze. He flared his nostrils rhythmically, and then waggled his ears. He barred his teeth like horses, and started to move the tip of his nose form side to side. He leered horribly, like a satyr, and then grimaced.

A smile began to tug at the corners of Peligieas mouth, and the tugged harder. Finally it pulled irresistibly, and she suddenly laughed aloud and blinked. Corelli sprang dancing to his feet, capering ridiculously and crying, “I won, I won!” “

Suddenly you arrive in your mid twenties and a lot of things are very different. Your priorities have changed and you have had huge shifts if not reinvented yourself along with your friends. Sometimes the changes are just too weighty to really maintain a friendship. I am noticing this with a lot of my friends. I find myself rebuilding or rather redeveloping our friendships. Not completely but defiantly certain aspects which is in turn changing the dynamic. It is interesting and I’m enjoying it.

It takes a little effort. Its really just picking up the phone and chatting. Asking how they are what they up to and coming to common interests and grounds. It seems strange considering these are people that you have known intimately for half of your natural life.

The changes in us from 20 – 25 are huge and in this time we spend less time together due to work, study, love and travel. Not only are we personally changing but our friends are too – in all different directions. You could really go into depth about how and in which ways but these are semantics. Its def something we need to put time to. Rebuild a connection before it dwindles completely. Don’t expect them to be the same. Expect the loyalty and trust but also expect changes in the nature of the relationship. Work with it and direct some energy toward sharing yourself and learning the changes the individuals have undergone. Perhaps it is just me but it seems we all in a similar boat.


“He took the old man over to the window, threw open the shutters, and an explosion of midday heat and light instantaneously threw the room into an effulgent dazzle, as though some importunate and unduly luminous angle had misguidedly picked that place for an epiphany.”

Ways Of Thought!

The power of thought. If you think it you will get it. It seems to be talk of the town but I think the message can be misleading. My first thought is that there is usually a finite amount of whatever you are wanting. The vast majority think about having a lot of money or more then they currently have. There is only a finite amount of money and it is impossible for everyone to have a lot of it since it would loss value altogether. I am digressing. Now some people get it some people don’t. So what differentiates a person that actual gets it and person that does not. Perhaps there is more to it then thought:

Perhaps it is the nature of your thoughts? Structure & intent

Perhaps it is the process of thought? Problem Solving & Conclusions

Perhaps it is the mechanisms of translating thought into habit and /or action? Turning thought into tangible results such as attracting the right people and action tasks that lead to your goal.

Perhaps your actions are incorrect? Thoughts lead to action but those actions are not correct due to a lack of knowledge and general understanding of whatever it is you are trying to engage.

Then within each of us there is probably a different mix of all of the above points. So extremely successful people have a good mix of nature and process of thought which rapidly leads to informed and proactive actions.

Being informed, in light of this argument, is a kind of wisdom about milieu that is required to make a success. So before your thoughts can actually manifest positively in your milieu you need to have a good understanding of how that environment operates.

In conclusion i think thought is very important if not thee most important part as it is the starting point. (Perhaps you need to start thinking about understanding your environment before you think about obtaining things, like money, within that environment.) You need to analyze at which points you fail in order to make advancements and not just merely start thinking about what you exactly want. Its a slow and long process to becoming a successful person. Naturally it is easier for some then others which only proves that we are at differnt levels of actioning and processing thoughts. Well at least this is what i think! 😉

Peace and Love and Happiness